Game Pitch: Sterling Archer’s Danger Zone


After an extended boozy couple of sessions with Nachos playing Shank 2’s survival mode (here’s our thoughts in written and podcast form) I had an epiphany that had to be expressed as a Game Pitch. With insane over the top action and an extremely colourful cast to choose from, why has no-one released an arcade title based on FX’s bitingly hilarious animated series Archer?

Is this what they mean by unlockable skins?

Imagine a four-player co-op title the likes of Shank 2 or the soon to be released Shoot Many Robots as you side scroll your way through wave after wave of KGB footsoldiers, ODIN agents, Yakuza, sexy ninja assassins, South American hit squads, the Irish Mob (with bonus Enrampagement level) the list goes on and on. There are so many memorable characters perfect as potential bosses.

How about a face-off against Barry who you defeat and then returns as Bionic Barry? You could “disarm” (or perhaps “dis-hand”) Conway Stern, take down the dangerous eco-terrorist Joshua Grey or go toe to toe with Archer’s old foil Popeye and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. With such a huge array of adversaries you could easily release DLC at the conclusion of each season to give the title some serious longevity.

It so naturally lends itself to unrelenting violence with so many specialists in particular fields forming the basis of a rudimentary class system. Archer and Lana play the stock standard weapons specialists, Pam runs demolitions with hand to hand expertise, Dr Krieger focuses on bio-weaponry and robotic assaults, Ray’s the all-rounder, Cheryl’s a sentinel absorbing huge quantities of damage and growing more powerful (and aroused) because of it and good old Cyril could play the decoy.

Unlockable characters would include Malory Archer, Burt Reynolds (obviously), Katya Kasanova, Rip Riley, Woodhouse (who defeats his enemies by injecting them with heroin), Len Trexler and of course Major Nikolai Jackov. The potential for one-liner awesomeness after defeating bosses, airboat chases, sexually oriented mini-games and tactleneck armour has me salivating at the mere thought of it.

I don’t ask for much, but please, oh god please someone get cracking on this now.

No? NO?!? Well OK then, just pout!

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Dave Kozicki

Shotgun Samurai
Video game reviewer, presenter and enthusiast. Film and TV-aholic. Pop culture geek. T-shirt and sneaker addict. All around nice guy and one hell of a sexy beast. Writer for Official PlayStation Magazine AU, AusGamers and Hyper Magazine.
  • Count du Jackson d’Charvel

    Archer: The Game, Terms of Enragement. I can’t program, but I can make tea, if you can lend me a house in the valley and a small wage I can come over with the wife and kids and help out. I love Archer, he is my spirit guide. Let’s do this!

  • Deano

    my god! I want this now! can you please make some add on interactive game were you cansexually hurt carol

  • kozeeii

    That deal is so wrong it’s right. Also how about an end of level bonus round where you shoot Brett?

  • Mocrae

    How about underground fights with Pam? Or even a 1v1 combat game as an extra?